So this post is going to be a little out of order, but I truly felt the need to express my feelings after our latest phone conversation and messaging tonight. I think you might see where I am coming from with this Dani, and that is my heart.
Am I inexperienced in this realm yes, most definitely, but that doesn't change the fact of one how I feel about you and two how I want you to understand my feelings for Kody. From our conversation I may have not been perfectly clear as too what I was trying to say, but nonetheless I was being truthful and trying to say how I felt and I do want to learn all about him and be a part of his life as much as yours. Is there pressure of course there is pressure, this is another first for me. But it is a first that I want it to be and I am in it 110%. Like I said I wouldn't have been open to talk about this issue unless I felt comfortable with it, ok not so much comfortable as I am new to this area and am only trying my best in embracing it as I know how. Is that good enough for you? Maybe, maybe not, I don't have that answer, but again am I in it to win it, heck yes I am!!! I told you from the start I sometimes don't get my point or best interest across in communication, but I do mean well.
I completely got what you were saying as you are not looking for a father for Kody as he has one, but someone to love him and be there for him. Don't you think if anyone knows what that void is it would be me. That is why I said I want to be the best, even if that is his best frand, ok that won't happen, because that is you. But I would love to be a wonderful role model for him and I think that I am a great role model. I too just want someone to love me and be there for me as you will get nothing but the best in return. I know I am not perfect, I fail, I make mistakes and again my experience on this level is a beginner. Much like Kody is in football, I am going to take my bumps and bruises, but I'll get right back up and dust myself off and try again.
I heard everything you said tonight as you don't want to get hurt and last thing is to have Kody get hurt. My intentions would be to not hurt either of you, does trying that always work well no. None of us knows what lies ahead of us down the road, but that is one thing I do not want to disappoint either of you. Again just like him and football, I know some things, but I don't know everything there is to know about little alone being a parent, but trying to be there in someones life I think I know a few things. And with a little coaching from the coaching Nazi ;p and compassion and guidance I feel that I can be someone successful in his life. I know his opinion counts like ten fold and of course I respect this along with your opinion too.
I could have easily tried to go to bed, but to tell you the truth my heart sunk a little when I heard that you were confused and a little apprehensive of my explanation of answers. So that meant not a good nights rest for me and the last thing that I want to do is to make you uncomfortable in any situation. This is why I have devoted this time to express my true feelings, just like I would devote this much time to him or you. My blog title wouldn't be named the name that it is for nothing if I wasn't telling the truth. Am I scared yes, mostly because we can't predict the future. I am afraid to fail either one of you. Really wanted to put some lyrics right here, and I think this song is appropriate.
I Won't Back Down by Mr. Tom Petty!!!
(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down...)
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down
And I won't back down from any challenges that are presented to me, that includes this one. We only live life once and if you don't try then the only person that can take that away from you is yourself. So we must live this life from day to day and that is what you get from me, but you also get what could possibly be the greatest love story to ever be told. You know where my heart stands and I stand firmly with my heart as I am more than 110% ready for this adventure. My ears and heart are always open for discussion to any issue that we may have, whether the good, the bad or the ugly.
I hope that when you read this you will better understand my stance on his future endeavor that I am embracing with open arms and an open mind. This just may be my finest piece of work to date, so please critique my work so I can better learn from my mistakes. Just know that you are truly someone worth more than just a while, you are priceless and yes that includes Kody as well. Like you said its a package deal, well if I break you then I guess its a two for one steal :)
Until next time...
Forgot to touch this part of the issue, will there be some awkward moments, probably. I know from my end there will be. I still am learning things in life just as the next person. How does a 31 year old talk to a young man that is going on nine years old that I am dating his mom. Someone that I have very heartfelt feelings for. I mean I've already heard that its don't touch my mom and don't touch my dorittos saying from her stating what he said ;) Thats cute I think, but yes even at nine years old I respect him and his opinions. Will ever moment be awkward free well we can only hope, but I am sure there will be those moments. I can only say this as to this situation at the beginning it will take time for both of us to come around to fully understand each others best intentions. Does that mean I will misunderstand him on occasion, probably so, will he completely understand me, well if so hes is way smarter than I am :) In the end I think this will be a learning experience at least on my part, but one I am willing to take notes on and learn from any mistakes that I surely will make. I just hope he will be patient with my slow learning skills.
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