Ex's..... As Friends?

Is being friends with an ex really manageable or is it like trying to find that elusive unicorn? Is it possible? For me personally I would like to think that it is possible, it's all in how the relationship ended. If it ended with a knock down drag out fight, that may not be the best situation, but if you both have decided that in the end it's not going to work out romantically then maybe a solid friendship can blossom.... I believe that flower is slowly blossoming for me.

I won't lie that I've not always tired to be friends with an ex once things where over, but sometimes it was for the best of both parties. Other times I tried, but the other side just felt it necessary to cause the other pain. But for the most part I've tried to remain a friend and be there for the other person. Love isn't just an on/off switch that can be easily turned off. You can fall out of love, but that doesn't mean you still don't love that person, just not in the sense of being romantically linked to them. This story is about a boy and a girl.

When I love, I love hard, so when I must pick myself up off the floor and dust myself off from a breakup it doesn't happen over night for me. It takes a while for me to put myself back together. In these case of my last relationship, the love is still there, but I know that for both of us to be happy that the next step must take place; and that is not losing the other indefinitely. For the most part the relationship we shared was an amazing one that had mostly all highs with a few lows, but in the end maybe it was for the best that we close that chapter of our love life. This new chapter will only bring renewed success as friends, but it will also keep that love we both do share for one another strong. Just in that friend kind of love that only friends have. We are both mature adults and know that it is a two-way street for this to work out. Only time will tell.

 
But I feel that I am a strong enough individual to make this work. Like I said, I couldn't imagine my life with that void of her not being there at very least as my friend. We share to many wonderful memories just to throw them completely away. Some might say it can't work, some will say you are only going to hurt yourself in the end, but I know it can be done. It's not like I'm hunting for that damn elusive unicorn that doesn't exist.

In the end of failed relationship a person has two roads that they can choose to travel, the high road and that means being a better friend and trying to make things work out; or they can take the road less traveled and call it quits or be a complete asshole to the other party just to try and make themselves feel better. No one gets anything out of that road. I feel that for a friendship to succeed both parties must put an effort into it for the flower to fully blossom. What kind of flower could grow from it, who knows, it could be the most beautiful flower one has ever seen; or it could be one that never matures and dies before it is even born.

So in closing the sky is the limit and the future is now, so this flower of friendship is going to bloom into something wonderful that only two hearts can share... It's either friends or bust!!

What We Make of Today!

There is no time like NOW! In a world of what if's and no one can paint the future, we must take a stand for the moment that we live in now. I use to be one of the most optimistic people out there, sadly I even have my days where I only see the glass half empty. I think everyone in their life has their ups and downs. Like the old saying, what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Well it is true, although I won't lie sometimes I think it would be far easier if those things did just put us out of our misery. But this to shall pass and one must make the best out of the now.

I have nights were I lay in bed, tired as all, but my brain just wont shut off. Last night was one of those nights. I worked until midnight, got home put on a movie, watched it; and was still wide awake. Guess there is just a lot on my mind these days. Work is alright, nothing to write home about, the city of Tucson is ok, but there is bigger and better out there; and then relationships... Well as I get older it seems that I fall harder and harder for the woman that I am with, you could say I am a softy at my more mature years. Right now, my heart hurts and I'm working on ok each and every day... (great song by Cross Canadian Ragweed by the way!) They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Not sure I really am buying this BS that they are trying to sale. But again, we live and we learn; and we move forward!! This is why I have some good days and some not so good days right now in life. It will get better, oh yes it will!

So what is it that we must do to make it today? Do what you love! Quit using excuses and take that bull by the horns; and kick its ass!! Pull up those boots up by the strap and march to your own beat. Today is the day I start living... for ME!! Just like one of Stuart Smally laughable quotes, "I deserve good things, I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with." I love it!! This is me to a T. I deserve good things in my life, that means a great career that I am actually appreciated, not just another worker bee and people that want to include me in their life, because well I am just awesome.

Today is my day; and from here on out, if you aren't with me then go fuck yourselves!!

P.S. one more thing... Have a nice day :)

Lost in Transition...

Well well well, it's been awhile since I've last posted something; and it is time to get back to the basics. Relationships. Who is to blame when a relationship fails? Is it the one that makes mistakes, lies, cheats or steals? Is either parties fault, something out of our control or is it yourself to blame for failures in life.

I for one can take fault for my own actions. I am only human and I make mistakes, but when I am wrong I work even harder to make right and apologize. Sometimes it is not easy to say sorry. One thing for sure it is easy to say hurtful, regretful things towards someone you love. But that doesn't make it right even if those words you feel are how you are feeling or see things going on. I guess sometimes its better to bit ones tongue than to speak before thinking. I don't always practice what I try to preach, but I do my best to say the right thing. Now, that doesn't mean say the things that the other wants to hear, but to say the right thing, because it truly is the right thing to say.

I have recently gone through my own trials and tribulations; and I will say this it is NOT easy. To be perfectly honest I am not good with love. Love should come natural and not forced. I read an eye opening article this morning about that subject titled, "Love is Not Enough", by Mark Manson. It was a lovely written piece of advice regarding relationships, love and what else is needed to have a forever lasting relationship. And the main piece of advice was that love cannot be forced, even if the two parties do love each other. If there are other factors, then the relationship is doomed. The biggest point that he talks about is love does not equal compatibility; and that is a tough one for me to swallow. Especially when you do find someone that you share many goals, interests and laughs at the same things with you. But there is more to that than meets the eye. It just sucks when you share so many common interests with someone and in the end well... who knows what it is supposed to mean.

Another key point he talks about is, Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. Again I can relate to what he says. You cannot try and make the other party always happy at the expense of your own happiness. You must be happy. Here is a precise point that he makes and I know it to well...

"But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were."

That is some powerful stuff right there or at least to me it is. One must get back to basics; and love and respect themselves first before trying to appease the other.

So what did I gather from this insightful article, that it takes real work for love to work. And in the end, Love is Not Enough, there has to be more than just love. Communication is a big role player in relationships and without that sometimes there cannot be love. When you fall down, you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, no matter how much the heartache hurts. I'm in it to win it in life, love and the pursuit of happiness!! When a relationships is flawed and runs out in the end, you cannot dwell on the what ifs or should have done this differently. Its a life lesson and one that I am still working on getting right.

I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now, this was a much needed blog entry and you will have more to read in the future. Until then I must love myself and do it for me, not just try and force things or try and make the other person happy or love me if the love isn't really there.


I have attached the article, because I feel it is a great read for all, enjoy... http://markmanson.net/love