Well well well, it's been awhile since I've last posted something; and it is time to get back to the basics. Relationships. Who is to blame when a relationship fails? Is it the one that makes mistakes, lies, cheats or steals? Is either parties fault, something out of our control or is it yourself to blame for failures in life.
I for one can take fault for my own actions. I am only human and I make mistakes, but when I am wrong I work even harder to make right and apologize. Sometimes it is not easy to say sorry. One thing for sure it is easy to say hurtful, regretful things towards someone you love. But that doesn't make it right even if those words you feel are how you are feeling or see things going on. I guess sometimes its better to bit ones tongue than to speak before thinking. I don't always practice what I try to preach, but I do my best to say the right thing. Now, that doesn't mean say the things that the other wants to hear, but to say the right thing, because it truly is the right thing to say.
I have recently gone through my own trials and tribulations; and I will say this it is NOT easy. To be perfectly honest I am not good with love. Love should come natural and not forced. I read an eye opening article this morning about that subject titled, "Love is Not Enough", by Mark Manson. It was a lovely written piece of advice regarding relationships, love and what else is needed to have a forever lasting relationship. And the main piece of advice was that love cannot be forced, even if the two parties do love each other. If there are other factors, then the relationship is doomed. The biggest point that he talks about is love does not equal compatibility; and that is a tough one for me to swallow. Especially when you do find someone that you share many goals, interests and laughs at the same things with you. But there is more to that than meets the eye. It just sucks when you share so many common interests with someone and in the end well... who knows what it is supposed to mean.
Another key point he talks about is, Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. Again I can relate to what he says. You cannot try and make the other party always happy at the expense of your own happiness. You must be happy. Here is a precise point that he makes and I know it to well...
"But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity,
one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with
someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship
is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage
it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re
tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially
what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us,
and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we
once were."
That is some powerful stuff right there or at least to me it is. One must get back to basics; and love and respect themselves first before trying to appease the other.
So what did I gather from this insightful article, that it takes real work for love to work. And in the end, Love is Not Enough, there has to be more than just love. Communication is a big role player in relationships and without that sometimes there cannot be love. When you fall down, you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, no matter how much the heartache hurts. I'm in it to win it in life, love and the pursuit of happiness!! When a relationships is flawed and runs out in the end, you cannot dwell on the what ifs or should have done this differently. Its a life lesson and one that I am still working on getting right.
I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now, this was a much needed blog entry and you will have more to read in the future. Until then I must love myself and do it for me, not just try and force
things or try and make the other person happy or love me if the love
isn't really there.
I have attached the article, because I feel it is a great read for all, enjoy... http://markmanson.net/love
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