Thirty-four to life...

When does life begin and when does it end? No matter what religion or non-religion one may believe in, it is left up to us, the individual to make life the way we see it. They say when you are handed a lemon you can do two things with it, personally I feel the number is endless, because well it truly is. In this case I must take that lemon and squeeze the hell out of it; and make the best damn tasting lemonade one has every tasted.

I am at a crossroads in life. Not yet 35 years old in a seeming-less journey through life with ups, downs, circles, squares and anything else that one could encounter. But yet, I still have that burning question inside of me, why me? Why now? Why am I dealing with this? One could say I am having a little pitty party. Well guess what, I am and I will cry if I want to. I just can't wrap my little brain around what have I done to deserve what I have in life at the current state. One would look at what I have and say, "Why do you complain?" Good question. In my own mind I just feel I have more to offer and I was put here for a reason. But what is that reason.

I feel like I am a pretty good upstanding judge of character. I have my faults, but we all do. When I do make mistakes; and they are often, I own up to them and apologize. I just feel there is something lacking inside me. Yet, these are those tough answers to answer, because well who knows what I am supposed to be feeling. I just feel like I should be further along in life than where I am at. I have successfully obtained two college degrees and a good career. Not bad, but there is more out there. Not saying I want the white picket fence and little house, with a wife; and kids, but I do know I want to be loved truly and unconditionally. Not sure how I feel about that really, how does one sit there patiently and wait for that special someone to come along. But it will happen. Just got to have faith as Limp Bizkit sang. Well they weren't the first, but I liked their version a lot better.

I think I have kind of went back and forth between life's ups and downs; and just not knowing what I am suppose to be doing with my life. Nonetheless I think anyone who reads this will understand to a point. We all have days of ups and downs, it is just how we move on from those moments in life when we feel like we have been given the shaft. But again life is how we make it; and if I accept defeat or give up then I have not allowed myself to live the life I want. I shall conquer this little bit of down point in my life, just like the ones before and many to come. That is life, just like a roller coaster. So I shall pull those boot straps up and march on...  

I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum!!