Well well well, it's been awhile since I've last posted something; and it is time to get back to the basics. Relationships. Who is to blame when a relationship fails? Is it the one that makes mistakes, lies, cheats or steals? Is either parties fault, something out of our control or is it yourself to blame for failures in life.
I for one can take fault for my own actions. I am only human and I make mistakes, but when I am wrong I work even harder to make right and apologize. Sometimes it is not easy to say sorry. One thing for sure it is easy to say hurtful, regretful things towards someone you love. But that doesn't make it right even if those words you feel are how you are feeling or see things going on. I guess sometimes its better to bit ones tongue than to speak before thinking. I don't always practice what I try to preach, but I do my best to say the right thing. Now, that doesn't mean say the things that the other wants to hear, but to say the right thing, because it truly is the right thing to say.
I have recently gone through my own trials and tribulations; and I will say this it is NOT easy. To be perfectly honest I am not good with love. Love should come natural and not forced. I read an eye opening article this morning about that subject titled, "Love is Not Enough", by Mark Manson. It was a lovely written piece of advice regarding relationships, love and what else is needed to have a forever lasting relationship. And the main piece of advice was that love cannot be forced, even if the two parties do love each other. If there are other factors, then the relationship is doomed. The biggest point that he talks about is love does not equal compatibility; and that is a tough one for me to swallow. Especially when you do find someone that you share many goals, interests and laughs at the same things with you. But there is more to that than meets the eye. It just sucks when you share so many common interests with someone and in the end well... who knows what it is supposed to mean.
Another key point he talks about is, Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. Again I can relate to what he says. You cannot try and make the other party always happy at the expense of your own happiness. You must be happy. Here is a precise point that he makes and I know it to well...
"But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity,
one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with
someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship
is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage
it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re
tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially
what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us,
and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we
once were."
That is some powerful stuff right there or at least to me it is. One must get back to basics; and love and respect themselves first before trying to appease the other.
So what did I gather from this insightful article, that it takes real work for love to work. And in the end, Love is Not Enough, there has to be more than just love. Communication is a big role player in relationships and without that sometimes there cannot be love. When you fall down, you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, no matter how much the heartache hurts. I'm in it to win it in life, love and the pursuit of happiness!! When a relationships is flawed and runs out in the end, you cannot dwell on the what ifs or should have done this differently. Its a life lesson and one that I am still working on getting right.
I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now, this was a much needed blog entry and you will have more to read in the future. Until then I must love myself and do it for me, not just try and force
things or try and make the other person happy or love me if the love
isn't really there.
I have attached the article, because I feel it is a great read for all, enjoy... http://markmanson.net/love
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Bullying has lost its way with Jesus
Another tragic loss of life has been felt today. This time in Stillwater as Cade Poulos, a jr. high student committed suicide at school! Why did this happen? Should have it happened? These are questions that will be asked. I am just as sad as the next person hearing of this event, but let's take a look at the bigger picture.
It is not new, but has come to light since the Columbine shooting in 1999. Bullying is nothing new, it's new to the fact that it has become the social movement of our time.
The victims of bullying are using the easy way out, violence. They are victims of useless violence, yet they extract violence in return. This is not the answer. The real issue isn't bullying as it has been around since the beginning of time. The real issue is Americans have lost their way with God! Oh how easy it is to forget or ignore the fact that Jesus died on the cross for our sins was an act of bullying. With that being said...
We have lost our way with Jesus and faith in general. When the good Lord is present in ones life there shall be no worries or evil that you cannot overcome. With his faith in our hearts we can be victorious!
Now I'm not the most religious person by any means, but I firmly believe in the Almighty!
The challenges that the youth today face have become more and more trying each day. Technology has cast a spell over the world. Morals have went out the window, family and faith are not what they use to be. You add all of these things plus other variables and you are bound to have something blowup in front of you. It is those moral values, lack of faith and lack of family interaction/parenting these days that has caused the real issue, not bullying. If parents took the time to sit down with their kids and teach them the way of the Lord, with family and moral values the world would be a much better place. Sadly, parents are to busy these days to actually know what really is going on in their child's life. Sit down meals at supper time are a thing of the past. This gave parents and kids that face-to-face time that is needed in ones life. It helps us express issues that we are faced with. Praying together before bed helps reassure any fears, because you are placing those fears in the hands of the good Lord. These simple practices can change a kids life. These are the true outlets they need, not murder or suicide.
Bullying is a fact of life. Whether we like it or not we are faced with it at some point. From your boss that belittles you every day, because they had a bad day at home, or the police using excessive force when it truly is not needed, or men beating their wives; it is all a type of bullying. It is never good that bullying happens, yet it does.
Anyone that was born before 1990 knows bullying has been around forever, we just dealt with it differently. If you got into trouble at school most likely you were spanked at school and again at home; if not worse repercussions happened! When you were bullied or disrespected at school you fought it out one-on-one on the playground or for you old timers the flagpole. That was a way of life, you squashed altercations right there and then. No stewing over it for days, months or years; keeping it all bottled up until the right moment was there to unleash the beast. We talked things out. Most of the time after a playground fight you actually became friends with your opponent. Not always.
Again this new way of committing murder, violence or suicide to get the attention of the public and/or bully is just nonsense. And the media has played right into the hands of those committing the acts of violence. They add fuel to the fire, because every time something happens of this nature, the next kid is watching the news coverage figuring out his/her plot. It's not rocket science. Kids prepare for these type of events sadly. How can there's be bigger & deadlier than the last.
Parents need to be held more accountable. They need to take the reigns and teach kids violence is not the way, there are better solutions. Yes, sadly today you can't just run out to the playground and either whip that "butt" or get whipped. Those days are long gone, now days everyone has a weapon and will use it.
Hopefully the family of Cade in Stillwater will find the strength in the good Lord to understand the events of today. No one should have to deal with bullying, but it is how we go about dealing with it that sets the tone for the future.
Everyone knows Psalms 23: 4-6, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and staff, they comfort me. This scripture signifies that fear we have in life, yet faith in the good Lord will not allow us to be fearful as we have comfort in you! Parents must reaffirm church and Christ as part of a child's education, without these kids will become those lost sheep.
When times get tough, true faith in Jesus Christ will guide you to the justice you seek. Bullying is unjustified, but by denying Christ in ones life is the ultimate injustice!!
Most educated individuals will have their own opinions, rants and point of views, whether they are good, bad or indifferent & I welcome them all. But I've seen and read enough about all this violence and how bad bullying is to take the time to rant myself. In end it is sad that another child was taken before their time, but it is not bullying that is the issue it is the lost ways of society and lack of faith and Jesus Christ that is the real issue!!
It is not new, but has come to light since the Columbine shooting in 1999. Bullying is nothing new, it's new to the fact that it has become the social movement of our time.
The victims of bullying are using the easy way out, violence. They are victims of useless violence, yet they extract violence in return. This is not the answer. The real issue isn't bullying as it has been around since the beginning of time. The real issue is Americans have lost their way with God! Oh how easy it is to forget or ignore the fact that Jesus died on the cross for our sins was an act of bullying. With that being said...
We have lost our way with Jesus and faith in general. When the good Lord is present in ones life there shall be no worries or evil that you cannot overcome. With his faith in our hearts we can be victorious!
Now I'm not the most religious person by any means, but I firmly believe in the Almighty!
The challenges that the youth today face have become more and more trying each day. Technology has cast a spell over the world. Morals have went out the window, family and faith are not what they use to be. You add all of these things plus other variables and you are bound to have something blowup in front of you. It is those moral values, lack of faith and lack of family interaction/parenting these days that has caused the real issue, not bullying. If parents took the time to sit down with their kids and teach them the way of the Lord, with family and moral values the world would be a much better place. Sadly, parents are to busy these days to actually know what really is going on in their child's life. Sit down meals at supper time are a thing of the past. This gave parents and kids that face-to-face time that is needed in ones life. It helps us express issues that we are faced with. Praying together before bed helps reassure any fears, because you are placing those fears in the hands of the good Lord. These simple practices can change a kids life. These are the true outlets they need, not murder or suicide.
Bullying is a fact of life. Whether we like it or not we are faced with it at some point. From your boss that belittles you every day, because they had a bad day at home, or the police using excessive force when it truly is not needed, or men beating their wives; it is all a type of bullying. It is never good that bullying happens, yet it does.
Anyone that was born before 1990 knows bullying has been around forever, we just dealt with it differently. If you got into trouble at school most likely you were spanked at school and again at home; if not worse repercussions happened! When you were bullied or disrespected at school you fought it out one-on-one on the playground or for you old timers the flagpole. That was a way of life, you squashed altercations right there and then. No stewing over it for days, months or years; keeping it all bottled up until the right moment was there to unleash the beast. We talked things out. Most of the time after a playground fight you actually became friends with your opponent. Not always.
Again this new way of committing murder, violence or suicide to get the attention of the public and/or bully is just nonsense. And the media has played right into the hands of those committing the acts of violence. They add fuel to the fire, because every time something happens of this nature, the next kid is watching the news coverage figuring out his/her plot. It's not rocket science. Kids prepare for these type of events sadly. How can there's be bigger & deadlier than the last.
Parents need to be held more accountable. They need to take the reigns and teach kids violence is not the way, there are better solutions. Yes, sadly today you can't just run out to the playground and either whip that "butt" or get whipped. Those days are long gone, now days everyone has a weapon and will use it.
Hopefully the family of Cade in Stillwater will find the strength in the good Lord to understand the events of today. No one should have to deal with bullying, but it is how we go about dealing with it that sets the tone for the future.
Everyone knows Psalms 23: 4-6, Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and staff, they comfort me. This scripture signifies that fear we have in life, yet faith in the good Lord will not allow us to be fearful as we have comfort in you! Parents must reaffirm church and Christ as part of a child's education, without these kids will become those lost sheep.
When times get tough, true faith in Jesus Christ will guide you to the justice you seek. Bullying is unjustified, but by denying Christ in ones life is the ultimate injustice!!
Most educated individuals will have their own opinions, rants and point of views, whether they are good, bad or indifferent & I welcome them all. But I've seen and read enough about all this violence and how bad bullying is to take the time to rant myself. In end it is sad that another child was taken before their time, but it is not bullying that is the issue it is the lost ways of society and lack of faith and Jesus Christ that is the real issue!!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Three's Company…
They say everything happens in waves of three.
Lately, maybe that is the case for my relationships and a bad case of karma.
Let me get this off my chest, I am no saint nor am I perfect. I have many flaws
and I will be the first to admit to my mistakes.
When it comes to relationships I feel that it is one
subject area that I am still lacking the vital tools to make one last in the
end. I feel comfortable that I have pretty good people skills in general, but
when it comes to the fairer sex and dating, something is missing. I need to
restock my toolbox with tools for 21st century dating.
I am by far the easiest person to get along with; I
am not mean by any means, just quite stubborn in my ways and views. That right
there is one of my issues. Isn’t admitting you have a problem the first step in
recovery? (Wait that’s a whole different ball of wax.) I am always quick to
lecture a point about something, not so much into actually lecturing, but it
just comes across that way. Mostly it seems to come from my own personal
experiences and I am only trying to give advice, but some take it as I am being
a parent and lecturing to them. None of us like to be lectured too. But from
what I have gathered in my short life and from the lectures that I have
received there is a point behind them; and usually for the best. At the time we
may not want to hear it, but whoever is doing the talking probably knows a
thing or two on the subject at hand. I believe I am no different as I have
experienced many up’s and down’s in my short life. To me those have been
learning experiences.
Prior to my most recent relationship bumble, the
previous two before that ended around the third month via text message;
nonetheless this last one was no different. Except we made it to four months!
Oh technology, how you can be a cruel cruel tool these days. This is where
karma has come full circle in my life.
Almost two years ago, I was the one who did the
breaking up via text. Hippocratic yes I am and guess what here I am blaming no
one but myself. This time it seemed different for my end, was pretty much
caught off guard, but at the same time don’t feel as down about it. Does that
mean the care or love for that individual wasn’t there? No. Those feelings were
true, but what cost us was two stubborn individuals that was not going to
communicate in the end, because I am me and tired of being the good guy that
seems to screw something up and own up to that screw up, yet didn’t do any
good. Thought we were both grown adults and had better communication skills to
work an issue out. Guess I said one thing, yet went against what I said and it
was misconstrued. Again when you only communicate via text message, a message
or two most likely will get misinterpreted. I know I’ve had to re-read a
message a time or two and then the light bulb went off as to, oh that is what
they meant. Silly me.
I recently read someone’s quote that dealt with “It
is what it is”, they said it wasn’t, but “It is what we make of it.” I fully
see that as the glass half full view on anything in life.
I didn’t think my dating or relationship skills were
this bad, but from the looks of things, I obliviously have some sort of
learning disability. I true to take every bad and turn it into good or very
least a learning experience that I do not want to duplicate. I typically tell
people I am a slow learner, sometimes I don’t think they really believe me, but
in the end it’s the truth.
Communication is the best skill a person can have
when it comes to relationships of any kind, without communication things will
get misinterpreted and if you can’t communicate to fix those misinterpretations
then things are doomed. Guess it’s time for me to go back to school and learn
communication skills again.
I know in the end I didn’t help the situation, it
seemed in the last month of the relationship we had more little arguments then
we did the whole rest of the time we dated. A lot of those were brought on by
me, because when I do communicate I want to resolve the issue, not just turn
and walk away. And when that happened I only made things worse by making the
person talk, but that is who I am, I hate to leave unfinished business at hand.
Some of those arguments were quite silly looking back. One dealt with how the
president and congress was in a fuss about Ralph Lauren and the Olympic
clothing issue. All I wanted was her thoughts, didn’t know it would lead to the
beginning of the end, but it did. A few weeks later here I am writing my
thoughts out.
And this is where I hope to learn some of those new
tools, by talking about my failures and listening to advice from others. Does
that mean I should listen while someone is lecturing to me? No, it just means
maybe they have had similar experience and can help better understand what went
wrong. So please by all means this is open for criticism and lecturing, have at
it!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I'm back... muther fukers!!! BOP Style
(Well officially it will be tomorrow) But I probably won't be on to post, so enjoy!
Today I start a new adventure! It is one of those that has
been long in the making. As of today, I started my first day on the job with
the Federal Bureau of Prisons as a correctional officer. Like I said long
overdue.
This story starts about six years ago. A year after
graduating college I finally was able to get a shot at a decent career. I
applied to the Federal Bureau of Prisons as a correctional officer, hoping to
land a gig someplace. I really didn’t have any particular place that I would
have liked to start, so it didn’t matter to where I was to end up.
After about a 3-4 month wait to hear anything back from them
I got the call and the paperwork to fill out more in depth information about
future employment. I sent all that in and a short time later I received word
that I had been selected. One catch it was for a federal prison in Herlong,
California. Herlong, California? Anyone tell me where this place is? Because I
had no idea.
I looked it up on the map and well, it was located in
northern California, up past Lake Tahoe. I liked to say it would be like living
in Balko, OK. Nothing there! Herlong used to be an old military Army depot for
munitions. I guess the federal government got the land for cheap!! It was a new
prison that is why I had been selected, because it was new and they needed
quite a few employees willing to move out to the middle of nowhere.
I took the offer and packed my things up and head west. You
never say never, but I probably would have not thought I would ever live in California.
But it happened.
Well this ties into a previous blog about drinking and
driving. So I get out to Herlong, complete our two week initial training program
and figure it would be nice to go out and have drinks with the other six guys
that had come in with me in our class. Sounded good right, WRONG! So long story
short, that is where I picked up my DUI and actually worked for the BOP for
about six months when all of the sudden they were like, “Um I think its best
that we part ways, because of your little hick-up.” I really couldn’t do
anything about it; I messed up, which in your first year of employment is not
good. As a new employee you are on probation for the first year, which means no;
I mean absolutely no screw ups!
I guess you could say I learned my lesson the hard way.
Fast forward almost six years to the date of getting hired
the first time around and I am getting a second chance to prove what I should
have been doing this whole time. I think I know what I am up against this time
and in this line of business, I can’t afford three strikes and you’re out. I
have to make this one count.
So as I complete my first day of institutional formularization,
I am sitting here smiling as I get that second chance to make a great
impression. I am going to make the most out of it and do my best.
Working as a correctional officer is not my ideal career,
but the avenues it can lead to are wide open. The sky is the limit here; it’s
all how I chose to look at the bigger picture. Hopefully I can do my time for a year or two
on the corrections side and then transfer to the non-custodial side and push
paper around being a desk jockey. I like that idea a lot more then supervising grownups
that for whatever the reason is couldn’t make a good decision that day and now
are behind bars for any length of time. And that is where you have to be on
your toes.
At the end of the day I look at it this way. I know I can go
home at the end of my shift; it’s how I chose to leave at the end of the day. The
inmates aren’t going anywhere, so most of them have nothing to lose. I have it
all to lose. You can bet which way I am leaving and that is on my own two feet,
just the way I came in. I am not there to be John Wayne, but to make sure they
all are doing what they need to do and I’ll do what I need to do; and everyone
wins!!
I think from this experience everyone will enjoy reading my
blogs relating to my new job. I know I’ll have some good stories to tell. Word
for the wise though, some of those stories will be not far from that you see on
television; so be prepared. Until then, happy hunting.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Bad Romance Halestorm Style
So on my way home from my weekend in the city, I jammed out to some Halestorm!! Pretty much they don't play a song on either of the CD's that sucks. With that said, listening to every song, every lyric and every word will catch your attention in some aspect. You can really sense the things that she sings about have in someway played a part in her life. That to is how I can relate to the songs just with the lyrics and things that go on in life.
Lately in life its been crazy busy with everything, school, work, helping out around the house, life and relationships/girls. This isn't a sad post as more of just was really feeling this song today, so I just hit repeat in the car and was jamming. Funny thing is that Lady Gaga originally sings it, but she just doesn't do what Lizzy does to the words.
Things as of late with Dani haven't been just 100% awesome, but at the same time we are still learning things that make each of us tick. I guess that is what is great about the whole situation is the learning more about her. I think each day that we have some sort of interaction is great in the chance that it gives us new things that we may not of known about them in the previous opportunity. I know things have slowed way down in the last 2 weeks, but I am still thankful to be able to have contact with her in the ways we are. I have learned that this if it does happen, a more serious future between us, it is just going to take time. And that is something that I do have plenty of is time. Time is on my side. I am patient, because I know Dani is worth the wait. She is amazing and I truly am happy to be a part of her life as well. I believe that she feels the same way, just in her life at this moment it is even crazier than mine. I just take each day one day at a time and thankful for her time.
Anyways back to the song. Like I said many of Halestorms songs and lyrics hit that spot, whether good bad or otherwise. *(Making a misnomer here, so if you read this Dani by all means this is not meant to be negative, just how I feel about you and I think that we will make a Bad Romance in a awesome good way.) That was like a double negative, hahahaa.
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather-studded kiss in the sand
And I want your love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re a criminal
As long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your psycho
Your vertical stick
Want you in my rear window
'Cause baby you're sick
I want your love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends
Je deux amour
Et te veux ta revanche
Je deux amour
I don’t wanna be friends
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it’s free
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand
I want you leather-studded kiss in the sand
And I want your love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your horror
I want your design
‘Cause you’re a criminal
As long as your mine
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
I want your psycho
Your vertical stick
Want you in my rear window
'Cause baby you're sick
I want your love
I want your love
Love-love-love
I want your love
You know that I want you
And you know that I need you
I want a bad,your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
I want your love
I don’t wanna be friends
Je deux amour
Et te veux ta revanche
Je deux amour
I don’t wanna be friends
Want your bad romance
Want your bad romance
I want your love
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and
All your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oooh!
Oh-oh-oooh-oh-oh!
Caught in a bad romance
Want your bad romance
And there you have it, another crazy blog of just how I am feeling, but it feels so good to be able to express this like this. So enjoy until next time ;p
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Count each day as a blessing!
So this last week has been somewhat of a whirlwind in the sorts of feelings and my relationship with Dani. Not all is lost when you have faith and hope. I look at it this way, it takes two to tango and sometimes your going to miss that step in the routine, were you take one step forward then two steps back. Nonetheless if you truly do want things to work out you have to put effort into them and work things out. Whose to say at the end of the day what the outcome will be, but if you don't try then whose too blame.
I don't think it matters how old we get or how our lives go we run into speed bumps along the way. I know I have my fair share of speed bumps to go along ways in my life. But again what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Every day that passes since my heart skipped that beat when she felt that she couldn't be in a relationship, but only saw me as more of a friend that really did hurt. I really felt as if we were on a wonderful journey and then it just came crashing back down to reality. I knew there had to be more then just wanting to be friends, especially after many many great in depth conversations that we shared and where we both stood on the relationship between us. We were friends, we were becoming the best of friends, and that is what we both wanted out of the relationship and to one day be so so happy that we would be the best of friends forever. Things change, they really do, but that isn't always for the bad, sometimes you have to endure a speed bump or two to really build those strong foundations of a beautiful relationship.
I see this as one of those building blocks to the future. Its about truly getting to know someone inside and out, what makes them tick. When things get down, you are there for them, hopefully to make it all better or at least as good as you may be able too. I know I don't have all the answers, but what I do know is that I don't give up. That maybe be a downfall of mine, its kind of a Sproul trait to have that bulldog intensity and fight until the end. I am stubborn, especially when I want something or want to prove my point. My point here is that I am here for her, my arms are fully extended and my heart open to her. I want to be that man that is standing not in front or behind, but next to her in all that she may do or I do in life.
We don't know everything about each other thats for sure, but thats part of the fun of getting to know someone. Maybe we skipped over a few steps along this process where we are at right now, but that doesn't mean we can't go back and figure, those little things that make us tick, out. If you was to talk to any of my friends, my mom or any of my ex girl friends there would be a common theme as to how I am or work. Like you know firsthand, I may not always say the right thing, but its in my intentions that I try to say it, just doesn't always come out the right way. But I am honest, stubborn, will be there for you until the end, awesome listener, a great hug giver, an emotional up-lifter and many many more things. I personally feel my strongest attribute is a strong emotional person, that will be there for you no matter what is going on. I can wear my emotions on my sleeves or I can bottle them up, but you will not find a stronger person to get through the tough times with than me, ok the good Lord is way better :) Seriously though when you need that rock for that foundation that is what I am for! I don't easily get overwhelmed, I have my moments though, but in the end I am one tough cookie. I have my faults, my downfalls, my stubbornness, I am human. Just like the next person.
I probably have gotten away from the basis of my blog, but I think I have laid it out there for you to see who you are dealing with, someone that will be there for you through thick and thin!!
I am not here to pressure you by any means, but I am here for you, Dani! Like I have said before whether its tomorrow or 3 months from now or 50 plus years I want to be standing next to you in lifes journeys. You know where I stand, you have my heart, you have my hand, its up to you as to what you choose to do with all this that is me :)
In the end if friends or frands comes out of it then I will have to accept that fact, but I want you to know that I am not giving up on this battle and you truly are an angel and someone that I count as a blessing in my life. Thank you for being a part of it.
Walk on Down
'Cause I got no time to lose
Its my life if I choose
Put on my walkin' shoes
And those walkin shoes are walking right towards you Dani.
I don't think it matters how old we get or how our lives go we run into speed bumps along the way. I know I have my fair share of speed bumps to go along ways in my life. But again what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Every day that passes since my heart skipped that beat when she felt that she couldn't be in a relationship, but only saw me as more of a friend that really did hurt. I really felt as if we were on a wonderful journey and then it just came crashing back down to reality. I knew there had to be more then just wanting to be friends, especially after many many great in depth conversations that we shared and where we both stood on the relationship between us. We were friends, we were becoming the best of friends, and that is what we both wanted out of the relationship and to one day be so so happy that we would be the best of friends forever. Things change, they really do, but that isn't always for the bad, sometimes you have to endure a speed bump or two to really build those strong foundations of a beautiful relationship.
I see this as one of those building blocks to the future. Its about truly getting to know someone inside and out, what makes them tick. When things get down, you are there for them, hopefully to make it all better or at least as good as you may be able too. I know I don't have all the answers, but what I do know is that I don't give up. That maybe be a downfall of mine, its kind of a Sproul trait to have that bulldog intensity and fight until the end. I am stubborn, especially when I want something or want to prove my point. My point here is that I am here for her, my arms are fully extended and my heart open to her. I want to be that man that is standing not in front or behind, but next to her in all that she may do or I do in life.
We don't know everything about each other thats for sure, but thats part of the fun of getting to know someone. Maybe we skipped over a few steps along this process where we are at right now, but that doesn't mean we can't go back and figure, those little things that make us tick, out. If you was to talk to any of my friends, my mom or any of my ex girl friends there would be a common theme as to how I am or work. Like you know firsthand, I may not always say the right thing, but its in my intentions that I try to say it, just doesn't always come out the right way. But I am honest, stubborn, will be there for you until the end, awesome listener, a great hug giver, an emotional up-lifter and many many more things. I personally feel my strongest attribute is a strong emotional person, that will be there for you no matter what is going on. I can wear my emotions on my sleeves or I can bottle them up, but you will not find a stronger person to get through the tough times with than me, ok the good Lord is way better :) Seriously though when you need that rock for that foundation that is what I am for! I don't easily get overwhelmed, I have my moments though, but in the end I am one tough cookie. I have my faults, my downfalls, my stubbornness, I am human. Just like the next person.
I probably have gotten away from the basis of my blog, but I think I have laid it out there for you to see who you are dealing with, someone that will be there for you through thick and thin!!
I am not here to pressure you by any means, but I am here for you, Dani! Like I have said before whether its tomorrow or 3 months from now or 50 plus years I want to be standing next to you in lifes journeys. You know where I stand, you have my heart, you have my hand, its up to you as to what you choose to do with all this that is me :)
In the end if friends or frands comes out of it then I will have to accept that fact, but I want you to know that I am not giving up on this battle and you truly are an angel and someone that I count as a blessing in my life. Thank you for being a part of it.
Walk on Down
'Cause I got no time to lose
Its my life if I choose
Put on my walkin' shoes
And those walkin shoes are walking right towards you Dani.
Friday, July 22, 2011
I WIsh I Felt Nothing
Isn't that the truth? Anyone that truly knows me, knows this is not the real Zach, one to show emotion or give to damns about anything related to love. But to be honest, maybe I have been hiding it from myself, the real Zach. A real person that has a huge heart that deep down loves love.
Its funny how we come about to learn new things about others and of course ourselves. I can tell you I guess I am human as the next and truly do have a heart that is warm and open, and not a cold steel closed one that I have portrayed for many years. This is what love feels like when you actually try it and give your heart to others. It is suppose to hurt, just like the 80s song by the J. Giles Band, Love Stinks or Love Hurts by Nazareth. I can truly say that I did my best and tried to be there for her, knowing what she had on her plate of life. A single mother to a wonderful young man, a Redsox nut, OU fanatic, a football mom, student, a walker of life in all directions, but at the same time she knew what she was getting in return. A guy that would walk to hell and back for her without question, but also at the same time respect all of those things that she had going. Just maybe it took a little time for me to fully understand that she was a busy gal. What can I say I'm a slow learner hehe
I know she doesn't want to hear this as it just makes it that much harder, but thank you Dani, for this past month of what you gave me, your smile, your hugs, your frandship as I say it, your heart, your everything. I am sorry for hitting a few nerves tonight on the phone as we talked. I had no intentions to do that, I was just telling you the view from my side. It was not right of me to keep pressing the issue. All I asked for was some honesty and closure, I just can put it in the good Lords hands and pray that I haven't completely lost you even if that means just us being friends and not frands. (You realize it won't be the same saying it when your not around?) Even as I write this I am smiling when I should probably be truly crying because of how much I really do hurt. But that is what I loved about you and the time we had, was I was always in heaven and no matter what you made me feel whole again and like a real person.
Thank you Dani for putting those smiles on my face. They say you just know it when you know it, well I know it was something that they will be writing about in the history books of PIC's, bestfrands and the Little Rascals. Nothing will make me resent you or hate you in anyway, because I've changed, you've changed me for the good, even if it is with a little heartache :( Can't say I didn't try and I truly believe you tried your best too, but in the end....
Its funny how we come about to learn new things about others and of course ourselves. I can tell you I guess I am human as the next and truly do have a heart that is warm and open, and not a cold steel closed one that I have portrayed for many years. This is what love feels like when you actually try it and give your heart to others. It is suppose to hurt, just like the 80s song by the J. Giles Band, Love Stinks or Love Hurts by Nazareth. I can truly say that I did my best and tried to be there for her, knowing what she had on her plate of life. A single mother to a wonderful young man, a Redsox nut, OU fanatic, a football mom, student, a walker of life in all directions, but at the same time she knew what she was getting in return. A guy that would walk to hell and back for her without question, but also at the same time respect all of those things that she had going. Just maybe it took a little time for me to fully understand that she was a busy gal. What can I say I'm a slow learner hehe
I know she doesn't want to hear this as it just makes it that much harder, but thank you Dani, for this past month of what you gave me, your smile, your hugs, your frandship as I say it, your heart, your everything. I am sorry for hitting a few nerves tonight on the phone as we talked. I had no intentions to do that, I was just telling you the view from my side. It was not right of me to keep pressing the issue. All I asked for was some honesty and closure, I just can put it in the good Lords hands and pray that I haven't completely lost you even if that means just us being friends and not frands. (You realize it won't be the same saying it when your not around?) Even as I write this I am smiling when I should probably be truly crying because of how much I really do hurt. But that is what I loved about you and the time we had, was I was always in heaven and no matter what you made me feel whole again and like a real person.
Thank you Dani for putting those smiles on my face. They say you just know it when you know it, well I know it was something that they will be writing about in the history books of PIC's, bestfrands and the Little Rascals. Nothing will make me resent you or hate you in anyway, because I've changed, you've changed me for the good, even if it is with a little heartache :( Can't say I didn't try and I truly believe you tried your best too, but in the end....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)